Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We are two peas in an std pod
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
