you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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