oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
