I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
