It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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