i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
