He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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