Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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