we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
