I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
