So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
