Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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