So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
