I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Randomize
