I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
