I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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