our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
