She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
