so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
