in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
