I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
