Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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