theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
