Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
