You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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