K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My breasts were aching with rage.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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