You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
