Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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