dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
