she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
