oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
