...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It was confusing and full of hummus
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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