whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
