Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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