Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she told me i tasted like america
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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