Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
