and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just want nice things and good sex
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
