He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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