Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
