Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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