are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Help. Why am I so naked?
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