there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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