I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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