i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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