he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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