today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
