even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
