I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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