Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
too bad you live with your parents still
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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