Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
